Chapter One
I took a long drag on my cigarette, watching the embers burn only inches from my lips. I was really enjoying this particular smoke, inhaling the toxins in with a long deep inhale, letting the poison rot away at my insides. One could say that I was killing myself slowly, but the thought was as addicting as the nicotine, and I just couldn’t help myself. Some would say I was a sick bastard, wasting those precious moments away and shortening my life significantly. But in my mind, I had all the time in the world.
Holding my breath in for a few more seconds, enjoying the pleasant burning within my lungs, I released the smoke, trying once again to create the perfect smoke ring. Another failure. I never could quite get the hang of that nifty little trick.
“Hey come on man, I’m not letting you go home alone tonight. My treat, cuz.” I felt a jolt of an elbow jab in my ribs, pulling me out of the trance that my cig held on me. “Hey, Axel, did you hear me?” My annoyed cousin exclaimed, swaying so he could knock into my shoulder this time.
“Damn it all, Scott. I heard you the first time.” I answered, standing up from the wall I had just been leaning against. It was a shitty night. Scott and I were standing under an awning that was nearly ripped to shreds. It was good enough, considering what part of the city we were in, and we had taken shelter from the downpour. I looked back at Scott, who was still leaning against the brick wall behind. It was probably all that he could manage at the moment considering he was drunk off his ass. Leave it to him to insult the bartender with a shrewd comment somewhere along the lines of “... your mother tasted better than this whiskey…” only to end up getting us thrown out of the bar. I could still clearly hear the bass from inside thumping through the thick walls, taunting us in rhythm. Once or twice I thought about leaving his ass outside and making my way back in, but warning glances from the bouncer at the door advised me otherwise.
“Well then why didn’t you ack-no-lage me then?” His attempt at eloquent vocabulary while intoxicated was hysterical, but not enough for me to laugh out loud. I was still pissed that I was stuck out here, taking shelter in the rain with my drunken cousin… who was now pissing on the wall he had previously been leaning against.
“Scott! You fucking idiot! Stop it!” I was immediately at his side. “Zip up your damn fly!” I ordered, grabbing his arm, and barely dodging a stream of hot piss from nearly hitting my boot. The bouncer shot us a cross look before rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. I’m sure he saw this kind of thing on a nightly basis.
“Well, when ya gotta go…” He stammered as he stood up and readjusted himself. He stood there for a moment longer, as if trying to decide his next move, then he nodded as if coming to decision and began staggering off down the sidewalk towards the brightly-lit street corner ahead. Great… this is all I need.
I followed Scott at a distance as the rain began to let up into merely an indecent mist. While I kept a close eye on him, I was still far enough back where it didn’t appear that I was with him. At the moment, I just didn’t want to be associated with him. As we approached the street corner, I noticed that more and more people were coming into view right outside a building that glowed blindingly with neon pink. Scott stopped just outside and began toying with some of the women at the entrance.
As I reached Scott’s side, I paused and looked up to read the flashing sign: “The Pink Pussycat.”
“Scott, we are not going in there.” I warned, pulling on his arm once again.
“Who says that’s what I wanted to do. There’s plenty of nice ladies out here for us to pick from!” He laughed as he threw his arms out to the side, pointing out all of the hookers who had made their way over to play their tricks. So this is what he meant by not going home alone tonight. Here I thought he was just going to pass out on my couch like he always did.
“Come on, cuz, let’s just get a cab and go home. I’m really not…”
“Are you kidding? Just look at these smoking hot broads! We can have our pick of the litter, ya know?” Scott kept on in his ranting. It was really getting embarrassing.
“Well, you can have any of us if the price is right, sugar. My name is Jazel. I bet we can make a nice deal.” A tall, black-haired woman with too much makeup on approached us. She was tall only on the account of her poufy curls and her black stilettos. Why is it that hookers parade around wearing the worst clothing? I swear, I felt like I was in a bad 80s movie. Not only was her hair over-sprayed with hairspray and her eye-shadow a terrible shade of purple, but she was wearing clothes to match. She had adorned herself with a pair of skintight purple, zebra-print pants and a purple strapless shirt with black frilly, poufy shit along her cleavage. Talk about bad taste.
“Oh, don’t you worry, sweetheart. We gots ourselves plenty.” Scott instigated with his poor grammar, peeking the interest of another woman who had been watching the display.
“Scott, we don’t have any money. You’re just wasting these ladies’ time. Come on…” I began, trying to pull him away from the hooker’s long caressing fingernails.
“Don’t be silly, Axel. I have enough money to treat you too!” Scott blurted out. I closed my eyes, regretting that I had even agreed to come out with him in the first place. Well… lesson learned, I guess.
“What’s wrong? Do we have a shy one? You really are too cute to be nervous, baby. And with a name like Axel, you must be a bad boy in bed. Am I right?” The second woman came up and starting trying to run her fingers through my hair. The sad part was, she was a very attractive girl; almost sweet and innocent. I hated seeing such a nice girl turn to the streets like that. It was just so down-heartening. She had on a short, light blue skirt and a black tank top covered with a black leather jacket. Her short, blonde hair was adorned with a light blue flower to match her skirt and her outfit was finished off with a pair of knee-high leather boots.
“And you’re too cute to be a hooker.” I mumbled, trying to get her to lay off of me without being rude.
“I’ll take that as a compliment, baby. You’re sweet… I bet you taste nice too.” She was laying it on thick as she moved in and licked the bottom of my jawline. The sensation sent a chill through me, but it felt disgustingly dirty knowing how many dicks that mouth had probably been on. That thought made me cringe and I put my hands on both of her shoulders, gently pushing her away from me.
Glancing over to Scott and his new acquaintance, I found them already lip-locked and making out right there in the middle of the sidewalk. Disgusting. Calmly, I took control of the situation and walked over to the curb and hailed a cab. I opened the back door, but I paused as I went to get in. I guess the sympathetic version of me kicked in because I just couldn’t leave him here in the state he was in.
“Scott. Scott!” I had to really yell to break the trance that the hooker had on him before he looked over. “Hey cuz, I got you and your lady a cab.” I spoke genuinely sincere, but I was annoyed more than anything. But then again, I had been either annoyed or pissed off at him all night. Come to think of it, that was the case every time I went out with him.
“Hey! You’re a real pal, Axel!” He staggered over, pulling Jazel with him. Jazel got in the cab first and Scott lingered at the door. “Oh yeah, here buddy.” He said as he pulled out his wallet and handed me two-hundred bucks in fifties. “I told ya I’d treat you tonight.” He laughed and got in the cab with the woman. Before I knew it, the cab sped away, leaving me alone in the lionesses’ den. Damn, I hope he told the driver the right address.
“Well, it looks like you have the dough now, don’t you Axel?” The blonde approached again, eyeing the money in my fist. She stood only a few feet from me, putting on a show by pushing her breasts together, trying to turn me on. And as much as the man in me wanted to have sex right now, I would much rather fuck a real woman.
“What’s your name?” I finally said, getting her to stop her ridiculously exotic display.
“It’s Tamarin. Why baby, are you interested now? That cash in your hands could get you one hot night with me.” She winked and liked her lips.
“Listen, Tamarin. Take this and just go back home.” I encouraged her, handing her one of the fifties. She stood there a moment and just stared at the bill in her palm. I don’t know why I even gave her the money. I guess I was hoping that she would wake up with the gesture, but as I turned away I realized that my hope wasn’t worth a damn.
“Hey Axel, baby, this will at least get you a decent blow.” She called as I began walking away. “Hey! Did you hear me? What kind of man turns that down?” I just kept walking, hands in my pockets. I could tell she was really getting pissed off. I suppose she wasn’t used to getting refused like that. “Well fuck you then Axel! You’re probably a fucking fag anyway!” She screamed, but I was already a block away from her and putting more distance with every step.
As the sound of the angry prostitute faded, I was left with the reverberations of the city. Somewhere a few blocks away someone’s car alarm was going off in a steady, repetitive honking, but other than that, there wasn’t too much playing on my ears. I suppose part of the reason for that was the concept that I was now in a suburb of the city, and not downtown itself.
I continued walking along the now-quiet side streets, making my way to my apartment. It hadn’t rained much since we left the shelter of the awning and I was finally beginning to dry out in the warm night air. By now, I had shed my black jacket and thrown it over shoulder as I walked along. The air was warm but thick and sticky, the typical summer night in the city. I paused under one of the few trees growing along my path home to light another cig. I was lucky that the rain hadn’t ruined my last pack. I checked the count as I pulled one out of the case. Hmm… five left. Guess I’ll have to go stock up on my way to work tomorrow night. Fumbling with the lighter for only a moment, I finally got the tip of it flared up. Taking a few short puffs, I readjusted my jacket and began walking again.
Glancing up at the night sky I saw the all-too-familiar endless dark. There were never any stars here, and the only luminosity came from the street lamps, traffic signals, and the lights from the open windows of peoples’ homes. As I walked on, I would stare up into those open windows, seeing the internal life of each individual house. There was just something about the hidden secrets of how people live and how they were revealed to anyone who took the time to look at night. Some would call me a creeper had they known it were a nighttime pastime of mine. But I never looked in the windows for the people themselves, only the insides of the houses. Face it, Axel, you’re just weird. I smiled at the thought as I glanced up into a well lit room with blue, flowered wallpaper and a ceiling fan. From where I was walking, I could spot the top of an old-fashioned, mirrored dresser and a few pictures on the wall. Squinting, I tried to make out the hanging photos, but suddenly the light went out. It was as if someone knew I was peering into their ‘soul’ and they immediately shut me out.
Walking further on, soon my cigarette had dwindled to a stub against my lips and I finally threw it on the ground to step it out. Glancing up at this open window, I saw an ugly yellowed wall with a large crack running down the center. Well, at least I left the light on for me. I paused and put a hand on the familiar black, iron gate and opened the latch. Before I stepped through, I turned and picked up the butt and carried it with me. No one could ever say that I was one of those inconsiderate smokers.
I walked up the creaky wooden stairwell and walked down the hall to my apartment. Fumbling with the keys, I finally opened the door to reveal my shithole that I called home. It was far from luxurious and only considered livable, but I could afford it. Let’s just say that money had been tight. Only recently had I gotten a job as a second shift security at a local science facility. See, after graduating from school I had gone from working at electronic stores to grocery stores, from used car lots to warehouse stock. In fact, you name it and I had probably done it, but could never hack it for too long. I just couldn’t help it, but I just always got bored doing the same thing over and over again. I suppose that’s why I couldn’t keep a steady job. Well, that, and the fact that I just didn’t deal well with ignorance and stupidity – two very common characteristics in today’s society.
Making my way through my bedroom and into the bathroom, I left my clothing where it fell. I splashed some cold water on my face before looking up to meet my ice blue eyes staring back at me in the cabinet mirror. My coal black hair, which had previously been thrown in a disarray of wild tousles and spikes, was matted down from the rain. Running my fingers through it, I messed it up again into the familiar wet tangles that I liked. Before I forgot, I removed the two diamond studs from my ears and placed them next to the sink. I knew if I kept them in, I would somehow get caught on my sheets and rip them out in the night.
Straitening back up to stand tall, I took one last look in the mirror. I was pretty muscular, one may say, but not overdone with bulging biceps and washboard abs. But then again, I wasn’t too far from it. I took one last glance at the recent addition of the black tattoo starting just under my chest. Admiring the Celtic tree of life, I ran my fingertips over it, smiling slightly before turning off the light and heading to bed.
As I began to drift off to sleep, I contemplated why I even liked that ink so much. There was just something about that tattoo that really brought me a sense of tranquility; my only sense of peace really. The way the branches descended back down to the base to become one with the roots, only to provide life to the tree again, really intrigued me. It somehow symbolized a sense of completeness for me. It was like a never-ending cycle that had no beginning and no end. It was everything that I wasn’t and yet everything I strived for. And as the darkness swept over me, I realized that I was trapped somewhere in the base of that tree trunk and just hadn’t quite branched out yet.
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